As I was putting Annabell to bed the other night, she asked me to lay down with her for a few minutes "and talk about our baby." This is not an unusual request...she LOVES to talk about our baby. These conversations are always so precious to me. I love hearing her five-year-old thoughts on the matter. "I hope our baby is a girl. But if God wants it to be a boy, that's okay, too." Even more special are her prayers for her little brother or sister. "God, could you please make sure our baby isn't scared in the orf-nage. And if she is, could you make sure there's a night light so she won't be scared anymore?"
During this particular conversation I decided to talk about skin color. We've addressed this topic on and off, but never with the commonly used terms "black" and "white." I explained that our skin is a light color, and people say that we are "white." Annabell giggled at this and stated confidently, "That's silly. We're not white. Snow is white." I agreed with her and then talked about how the baby's skin will be the color of chocolate, and that people will say he or she is "black." Again, she found this humorous, since our baby will obviously have brown skin.
It's strange that talking to my daughter about this issue feels awkward and a touch controversial. I've never cared about being politically correct, especially when the words "politically" and "correct" are rarely appropriate in the same sentence. But as we become a bi-racial family, I want to make sure the terms we use regarding skin color are accurate and positive. I don't know exactly what that's going to look like, but it's definitely an issue we'll be working through in the months to come.
I'm well aware that the difference between our skin color and that of our child will be both a blessing and a challenge. It will probably illicit rude questions from without and feelings of insecurity from within. It will forever mark our third child as "adopted" rather than biological. It will lead to false assumptions and hurtful prejudices.
On the other hand, it will also add a richness to our family and be a testimony to the victorious power of love. Only love can eradicate the boundaries of distance, culture, and ethnicity to transform two different entities into one family.
The greatest example of this kind of love is found in Jesus, who was the ultimate advocate for unity and peace - first between man and God, and then between man and man. Through Christ we "who once were far away have been brought near...For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility...." That's what love can do.
Amazing.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
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Alison,
ReplyDeleteKeep having those discussions! We talk about being "brown" in our family even though it may not be PC, but it gets across the point to our 5 year old that her brother will be "darker than us." I'm already navigating the "want to be blonde and blue eyed" comments from Adalae. I ask her why and say I think brown with black hair is pretty too. When we see black children who are little we make a point of saying to her that "your brother might look like that" and she usually says "I *know*." So I guess we've worked it into our daily script enough that it's a little predictable.
Kayan
Thanks so much for posting this! Very well said. We don't have biological children to sit down and talk to about our adoption of two children of a different color, but it's cool to think of it from a child's perspective. And you're right...I think there will be a lot of hurtful looks/comments, but there will also be a ton of teaching and growing opportunities! Excited to be on this journey with you!
ReplyDeleteAre you still using America World adoption agency? What are your thoughts about them? We are thinking about adopting a sibling set from Ethiopia through them...would be interested to hear your feedback. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteGregory & Larissa Kramer
Pennsauken NJ
kramer85@comcast.net