As I was making my bed this morning, the empty place in my heart that was made for you began to ache. I ended up curled on the mattress, crying over the pain of separation and frustration and uncertainty.
It's getting harder, this waiting. Everywhere I turn, there you are. Annabell's hand in mine, Liam's weight on my lap, every burst of childish laughter or tender moment of affection reminds me that you are missing. You belong here, but you are somewhere else. All that stands between us are a few sheets of paper, but right now they seem a greater obstacle than the ocean we'll someday cross to reach you.
I love you, child. And as much as love hurts right now, I'm also thankful for it. It might not make sense, but crying and hurting over you feels like a privilege. A mother's privilege. Who am I to deserve such a blessing?
Aching for you,
Mommy
Posts
You're right. It is a privilege. Thank you for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteHi! I recently found your blog as my husband and I are beginning to pray about adopting from Rwanda. We're planning to go through AWAA...probably starting sometime next spring or summer. I would so love to ask my questions to someone who is going through the process. Can I email you? If so, my email is katiefenska@gmail.com. Praying for your heart to rest in the Lord as you wait for His timing to bring your child home...
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully written! Praying for you in the wait for your approval. Have a great weekend.
ReplyDelete-Sheri
AWAA Family